


Amusingly Articulated

by ChrisCalledMeSweetie



Series: It's All Fun and Games [2]
Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 17:59:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19067761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChrisCalledMeSweetie/pseuds/ChrisCalledMeSweetie
Summary: Martin, Arthur, and Douglas have been forced to turn around on their ill-fated trip to Ottery St Mary — and now Arthur’s the one driving the van. Not to worry, though: Douglas knows a shortcut, Arthur knows a game, and Martin knows the most important thing of all — who his true friends are.





	Amusingly Articulated

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SarahTheCoat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarahTheCoat/gifts), [AnnieC](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnieC/gifts), [fellshish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fellshish/gifts), [Tipsylex](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tipsylex/gifts), [Prune_Cobbler](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prune_Cobbler/gifts).



“I have a game.”

 

“Please tell me it’s not Yellow Car.”

 

“No, this is a different game. Mum used to play it with me on long trips when I was little. What you do is, you look for all the letters in alphabetical order on the road signs you pass. And when you see one, you have to be the first to say the letter and the sign it’s on.”

 

“A — No articulated vehicles.”

 

“Wow, Douglas, that was fast! But what’s an articulated vehicle?”

 

“It’s one that’s said aloud. So make sure not to mention you’re driving Martin’s V-A-N or we’ll be in trouble with the law.”

 

“B — Try your brakes.”

 

“Good one, Skip.”

 

“Try your brakes, Arthur.”

 

“Yeah, I heard you, Skip. That’s why I said ‘Good one.’”

 

“Yes, but aside from the game, don’t you think you ought to try your brakes? Or, rather, _my_ brakes? Since it’s _my_ van you’re driving down this increasingly steep hill…”

 

“Shhhh! Don’t say V-A-N! No articulated vehicles, remember?”

 

“Arthur, slow down!”

 

“Alright, alright…. Yellow car.”

 

“Arthur, we’re not playing Yellow Car. You said you wanted to play this alphabet game.”

 

“Right, Skip. But, remember, we’re _always_ playing Yellow Car.”

 

“C — Cattle grid; D — Cattle grid; E — Cattle grid.”

 

“Three in a row! That was brilliant, Douglas! But what’s a cattle grid?”

 

“Do you feel that metal grate causing our tyres to vibrate faster than GERTI in a crosswind? That’s a cattle grid.”

 

“Ooh, I rather like that.”

 

“F — Farm traffic.”

 

“That’s a point for you, Skip. Say, why do you think there’s so much farm traffic on this road?”

 

“Because Douglas’s idea of a shortcut was to take us through the most rural route in all of Britain.”

 

“This way cuts twenty miles off our trip.”

 

“Yes, but if we’re stuck behind a tractor the whole way, we’re certainly not saving any time.”

 

“We’re not going to be stuck behind the tractor. Arthur, overtake it.”

 

“I can’t, Douglas. Mum doesn’t allow me to overtake. She says manoeuvres at speed are not my strong suit.”

 

“I don’t think the speed to which she was referring was three miles per hour.”

 

“Okay, but three miles an hour is the speed we’re going now, behind the tractor. In order to overtake, I’d have to go faster than the tractor. It’s something about variables or vectors or venn diagrams or something. I remember learning about it in maths, and it definitely started with a V.

 

“Velocity.”

 

“That’s it! So, if we’re traveling east at three miles an hour, and the tractor is traveling west at three miles an hour, and we left at two o’clock, then we should pass it at…”

 

“Now! Precisely now is when we should pass it!”

 

“I don’t think…”

 

“Arthur, stop the van.”

 

“Uh oh, Douglas, you shouldn’t have said the V word.”

 

“Not to worry — we’ve left the ‘No articulated vehicles zone’ and are firmly in the land of ‘Farm traffic’. Where, if we do not want to spend the rest of our lives, I suggest you let me drive.”

 

“Aww… But this has been so much fun. Can I have another go later?”

 

“We’ll see.”

 

“I think you’re forgetting whose van this is. I’ll be the one to decide who drives.”

 

“Oooh! Is it me, Skip?”

 

“No. Sorry, Arthur — it’s Douglas. But I really do appreciate both of you helping me out with this delivery.”

 

“Oh well. At least I’ll have a better chance of winning the alphabet game if I can look for signs instead of watching the road. What letter are we up to, now?”

 

“G — Cattle grid.”

 

“Wow, Douglas — and while you were driving, too! How’d you do that?”

 

“It’s a rare but useful skill — the ability to drive _and_ read road signs simultaneously.”

 

“H — Horse drawn vehicles.”

 

“Oh, another one for you, Skip.”

 

“I — Cattle grid.”

 

“And another for Douglas.”

 

“J — Junction.”

 

“Nice one, Skip. You two are really good at this game, but I’m sure I’m going to get the next one. Hmm… K — Oh, no, it’s another cattle grid sign. … I’ll bet the next one’s going to have a K on it… K — Awww… Another cattle grid. … There’s gotta be a K on the next one. … I see another sign coming up. Will there be a K? Will there be a K? Will there — Noooo! It’s another cattle grid sign! Why are there so many cattle grids on this road?!”

 

“Look around you, Arthur. Maybe it has something to do with all the cows.”

 

“K — cows!”

 

“I thought you said the letters had to be on a sign.”

 

“Martin makes a valid objection — to which I will add: there is no K in cows.”

 

“Fine, if you’re going to be a stickler about it… _Yellow car!”_

**Author's Note:**

> Kind comments and kudos are, as Arthur would say, BRILLIANT! 😄


End file.
